You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘don’t sh*t where you eat’, or maybe the cleaner version; ‘don’t dip your pen in the company’s ink’. In case you’ve been living under a rock, both phrases basically mean “don’t f*ck your coworkers, or a friend that you live with, or anyone that you spend all day with.” While there are a million and one reasons you should stick to this rule, here are the five main points to tell yourself next time you’re lusting after Mark from Accounting.
1. No personal space
This applies to the workplace or if you’re living together (as friends). If you share the same space on a daily basis, you’ll still be sharing it after you’ve done the dirty. One night together has turned your houseshare into a cohabitation, and I don’t know about you, but that’s never been top of my fantasies list (we’ll save that for a future blog post).
And if you’re working together, imagine the conversation when you’re both out of the office. “How was work today?” “You were there… you know how it was.” Not exactly the kind of talk that compels you to take your knickers off.
2. Aftermath of (almost inevitable) breakup
Consider the possible outcomes of you two being an item (or a hookup): you either stay together and live happily ever after, or you don’t, and that’s where things can get complicated. What if they move on? Imagine the awkward sitch at the company Christmas party…
Or maybe they’re the one who can’t move on, and now you have a clingy ex who knows exactly where you work or live – because he’s there too. And remember, there’s no block button in real life.
3. Getting Caught
If you decide to sh*t where you eat, you open yourself up (wahey!) to a whole new list of places to have some fun. The toilets, the broom cupboard, maybe even on the desk after working hours… sounds exciting, right? That is, until you’re caught in one of your hookup spots. Unless you’re a brilliant actor who can lie about why the two of you are in a toilet cubicle, get ready to become the office gossip for a while. The last thing you want to think about while boning is the fact other people are also thinking about you boning.
4. Change in dynamic
Changing the power dynamic can complicate the relationship massively – imagine if your coworker/f*ckbuddy gets a promotion, and is now your boss, or vice versa. Favouritism might work out great for you at first, but it can be spotted a mile away, and your other colleagues won’t let that sh*t slide forever. No sexy secret is more easily broken than by making googly eyes across the office.
5. You’re Dating 2 People in 1
If you’re mainly hanging out at the office or in class, you’re only seeing one side of this person; their most presentable self for the outside world. No matter how sexy and confident your roommate, colleague or your classmate is, I promise that they sh*t, and pick their nose, and have their own issues too. The higher you put somebody on a pedestal, the farther they’re going to fall when you realise they’re not perfect (#deep).
In reality, nobody is saying that you, a consenting adult, can’t have fun with another consenting adult. It’s the consequences of these actions that make sh*tting where you eat so messy (pun intended) so think carefully about whether that midnight office romp is totally worth it.